"July 2, 2013 - Happy Birthday Bryn!
I like who I am becoming. I feel safe and confident in the path that I am headed down. Heavenly Father sure knows what he is doing, because I certainly do not."I originally was just going to stick my favorite MoTab song up here and call it good. Then I looked up a video my trainer told me to watch. And I realized they connected. And they are always relevant.
This song means a lot to me for many reasons. It's a heartfelt plead. It's the deep wishes. This is also the best rendition of this song. It terms of hymns, Wayfaring Man of Grief (also known as The Stranger) has a tune that all are endeared to. However, in the marriage of music and lyrics, I believe nothing beats Come Thou Fount.
I heard this while in Serbia and it hit me that this is my song! Especially the second verse. Here I raise my ebenezer, also known as an ensign. It's like staking your claim or declaring. That's what I was doing as a missionary! Raising my flag for all of Novi Sad to glance at.
Hither by thy help I've come. Nearer My God to Thee? I Need Thee Every Hour? God's hand was always evident to me. Sometimes as profound as a stranger turned dear friend. I read my MTC journal and found all these remarkable, yet small, instances that mean the world to me. A smile. A laughing. A secret waltz down the hallway with my best friend. Teachings from the spirit. Promptings that directed and healed.
And I hope, by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home. That's all I wanted. To serve an honorable mission by God and family would be proud of. And to do so safely.
Then I got sent home on sick leave. It would only take a couple weeks or so to get better, right?
By the time I finished watching this, I had a fun bouquet of emotions going on. I was laughing/smiling/crying/coughing/pensive/I'mACurrentBush! Although I knew the story, very well, hearing the whole things brought out something different. Do you know how strange it is to hear your exact thoughts come out of a bush?
That's EXCATLY how I felt! I loved who I was becoming. I was learning things I never would have learned otherwise at break neck speeds. I could see my potential and it was reachable. Then I got sick.
All of my brothers could have finished, how come I couldn't? (Noticed I said "How come" and not "Why") One of them told me before I left how proud he was of me. And he meant it. I have never heard him say it like that to me before. Another brother told me that it was my turn to make have my own adventures and make my own stories. This is something I have always wanted! I have always listened to my bothers tell their stories, and now it was my turn!
When all these great things were happening, how come it stopped?
Because I'm a current bush. I'm not my brothers. I'm not the other missionaries. I am Sestra Farnsworth. I am Aubrey. He has a plan for me.
Because God is the gardner. The quote in the beginning is from my MTC journal. God does know what He's doing, and I certainly do not. He is the gardener. I am a current bush. He cut me down to make me, well, me. He knows who I am and who I can be.
Because as the heart felt pleading of the song I sang so many times in English and Croatian, He is taking my heart. Taking it, and sealing it. And with His goodness like a fetter (it's a chain, for those of you who don't know), we are binding my wandering heart to Him. I am definitely prone to wander.
He is the gardener. He knows what He's doing.