Dobra Dan! Saratov and a Quote

My hands have been full with studying for an anatomy test.
I apologize.

So, Saratov Approach. It's about two missionaries. Two starješine in Russia. (By the way, Russia looks incredibly a lot like Serbia.) I finally saw it. The music is incredible. I have the music and I love listening to it. It will transform any and every moment.
The story is great! It's not like these silly little mormon movies we have all over the place. It's meaningful. It can be shared with people of all or no faith. Although I never got kidnapped while in Serbia, the movie still captured some of the important essences. The companions trying to make the best of their situation together, the neighbors who you talk to from your balcony, putting your faith in the Lord and in those you are with, and having that faith propel you through the day. Also! My favorite element of the mission are the "never before" moments. The things that have never happened before and the things you decided never could or would happen.

Go see it. Please.

Sad!

With that off my chest, I will share a recent spiritual thought. I ran into this sucker shortly after seeing the film. I was feeling down that I couldn't finish my mission because of some unknown illness that prevents me from walking up the stairs by myself, yet those two got to finish after getting kidnapped.
So these words hit especially hard. I might have cried.

"Please don't nag yourself with thoughts of failure...
Simply do what you can do in the best way you know how
and the Lord will accept your effort."
-Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

I've heard the all the cute little sayings about how the devil will try to make you focus on the past and all that jazz. I guess there's just something about the Lord's Mouthpiece that cuts you to the very spot you need it to. I know the Lord speaks to His children through a living prophet. Although Pres. Hinckley is no longer alive, I know he was a true prophet of God.
I was pondering this quote in my mind. It dawned on me! It's all about repentance! Repentance means gaining a fresh perspective of yourself, God, others, and the world. In physics, it's the equal or opposite force acting on an object in motion. It redirects our course. This quote for me was my equal or greater force. Does this make sense?
I apologize. My thoughts often go faster than my hands and mouth, and I tend to make leaps (they're more like bridges, but bridges only I can see).
It doesn't matter what you have done. You repent and move on. What matters is what you can do. Which is the now. You can't change the past. Only make choices now. You move your motion in another direction. The Lord will help you know which direction to go. As long as you are doing good now, RIGHT NOW, then what you did in the past really doesn't matter.

As was said in Saratov Approach, "Light will overcome the darkness."

Questions? Concerns? Comments? I would love to hear them.

Love,
Your Ever Faithful Friend,
Aubrey

Music Spotlight: Savior, Redeemer of My Soul

I love this song. It's not sung very often in church, and the hymnal version is a little different than the one we are use to hearing. This song is played at the MTC about as often as If You Could Hie to Kolob (which is at LEAST once a week. One time we heard it 3 times in one day. Lucky us.)
I first became aware of this song while watching 17 Miracles. Simply put, it's powerful.
I think no one does the famous arrangement as the original performer, Dallyn Vail Bayles. Next to him is BYU's Vocal Point.
It was the Vocal Point version I was listening to (shamelessly on repeat) when one of the lines clicked with a new meaning. My favorite verse has always been the third.

1. 3. O'errule mine acts to serve thine ends.
   Change frowning foes to smiling friends.
   Chasten my soul till I shall be
   In perfect harmony with thee.
   Make me more worthy of thy love,
   And fit me for the life above.

"Change frowning foes to smiling friends" held new meaning (after about the 14th time listening). Maybe it clicked because I had talked to one of my friends about our fears. Maybe I, unfortunately, need repetition to get the point. Whatever the reason, it now held meaning.
Frowning foes could be anything. It could be temptation. It could be fear. Maybe it's a personal weakness or short coming. It could be trails. It could be an exterior problem, like a neighbor, or school or it can be something internal and personal. But through Christ's infinite atonement, he can change these foes to friends. Smiling friends.
What was once a burden can become a joy. A weakness can become a strength. Frowning foes can be changed to smiling friends. Good can come from bad.
Sometimes this change happens outside of us, the thing that is bothering us will change, but most often than not it will be internal. Which in my opinion is better. It won't be the world that will change but us. Instead of solving only one problem, we are given the ability to face many future problems and help others along their paths. In essence, this is repentance. To get a fresh view of yourself, of others, of God, and of the world.
Happy New Year!

P.S. I know this song is meaningful to many of you. If you have thoughts, comments, or stories, I would love to hear them.

Give the Best Gift

Just your friendly missionary reminder to share the gospel with at least one person before Christmas. This challenge was issued by Elder Ballard in his talk during our recent General Conference. Did you catch the promise he made? Pretty outstanding! Christmas time makes this very easy.
The church has made it easy. They've released a lot of mormon messages you can share, the 12 talks of Christmas, and there's always the cute pictures on Pinterest. My personal favorite is caroling.
It's so easy. You might get extreme anxiety attacks before pressing the "publish" button. That's normal. Think of what you are sharing! Salvation! Happiness! Answers! Truth!
This means the adversary will do what he can to prevent you from sharing. God has made it easy, but the adversary will make it hard. God rules over darkness. So how do you overcome the trials and excuses?
You can do what I did my first time. I shut my eyes and pushed the button. True story. This is after I came home, too. I was so nervous, I have no idea why. It was only a small scripture from the bible. Every possible negative scenario went through my head. The worse one was, what if nothing happens? For me, everyone not caring about my beliefs was worse than having people question it. Questions are good. Question leads to inquiry and conversation.
I'll tell you one of the secrets that helped me to step out in the mission. People automatically assume that because you're a missionary you have some magic power to talk to anyone and everyone. That's not true. It's a miracle, not magic. This miracle comes more like a gift or a reward. People are scary! Everything you learned about stranger danger had to be forgotten just like that. Everyone is a stranger. You're a stranger. You're companion is usually someone you just met. Not to mention everyone has already decided in their mind not to like you before they meet you. American? Missionary? Youth? Gross. Get out. You're crazy.

Photo Credit: missionary;me Mormonova Knjiga;Croatia
Photographer; Katie Higbee Photography

And we are.
Where there is great good there is great opposition. But do not despair! Never despair! EVER!!!!! Okay?
I remember reading my scriptures after a particularly difficult day. It was one of the gospels in the New Testament, so I probably read a few times, but this time it really hit home.
My mission's saying is "Skoći sa broda!" (said sk-O-chi sa br-O-dah) which means "Jump out the boat." This refers to the story of Peter and Jesus walking on  the water. I was reading this story (again) and one scripture stood out. It's as if it was talking to me. "Fear not. Only believe." 
When ever I started to think "What if they get mad? What if they don't like me? What if they won't listen? What if they beat me up? What if? What if? What if?" I would think to myself over and over "Only believe." It gave me strength. Just repeat it, over and over. Pray over and over. Only believe. It works.
The more I study the gospel, the more I want to share it. Do you have someone in mind? Maybe they just keep coming to your mind? Read your scriptures before sharing the gospel. Study something new. It will get you excited!
I'm reading The Infinite Atonement by Tad Callister. He was the only General Authority to speak while I was at the MTC. I love this book. I LOVE it. If you have not read it, I urge you to do so. Make time for it. It will change your life. I promise you.
The more I learn about the atonement, the more desperately I want to share it.
The gospel is an anomaly in this way. Went it comes to precious things, it is common sense you want to protect it, keep it out of harms way, and share it only with a special selected few. The gospel, however, is very precious. It's the most precious thing I have ever come upon in my life, by far. Yet, unlike most things, the more precious it becomes, the more I want to share it.
There's a seminary video I watched while I was in the field about a girl who receives a gift from her friend. It's a shirt or something cool like that. It comes time for the friend's birthday and the girl doesn't know what to give. So, as you would expect from a seminary video, she gives the gift of the Book of Mormon. In junior high or high school I probably would have rolled my eyes thinking "Like that would actually happen." You might be doing so right now. My eyes would have then rolled right back at the note she writes inside. (Note: I'm paraphrasing.)

"Since you are a special friend, I wanted to give you something very special. This book is the most precious thing I possess. It has helped me through hard times and times of joy. It's the greatest gift I could give."

Doesn't that just make sense? What better gift could you give this season?
You can read Pres. Eyering's thoughts on this matter here.
What's the best gift you've been given? How have you shared the gospel?
How can you not share the greatest thing you have? Only believe.
Love,
Aubrey

P.S.

Enjoy this gem.

Advice From a Friend: Customer Service

You might remember me mentioning once or twice how wearing my missionary tag in Utah Valley gave me new friends. A lot of the time it was someone else who had also come home on either medical leave or medical release.

One of these people I met while out for a meal. He was our waiter. We talked a little bit, he wished me good luck, and we parted ways. That's how most of my "tag earned" friendships went. 

Not long after I was release, a month or two after getting off the plane, my family took a friend to the same restaurant. Just to clarify on some details, ("Or else nothing that follows will seem wondrous." -Charles Dickens.) this is the kind of place where you are assigned to a table by a host. Lo and behold, it was my waiter friend from last time! Not only that, but his waiter helper had been on medical leave twice! The first time he broke his leg in Peru, and he served the rest of his mission in Bolivia. 

The meal was good, the salsa extra hot. Before we left, our waiter brought a special guest check for me.

He explained the podcast was helpful and had some good things in it. He explained where the group therapy took place and who was involved (My Wednesdays are usually spent at the Family History Center) and that sickrms.com was not up and running yet but would be soon. He mentioned he was working with a MYU professor. Before leaving he restated he understood how tough it could be, and how these are just a few things that helped him.

It was a little thing really. I'm use to hearing advice, mostly medical based. I've been told everything from eating 40 cloves of garlic a week to drinking a bottle of magnesium. So it's nothing uncommon for me. I'm sure he must have been nervous. It's never easy to just step out of the norm and do something like that.

Earlier this week, my mom pointed out an article that was making the rounds in social media. Many of my friends had posted it and shared it. The title going around includes the name "Ryan". I'm not 100% certain this is the same Ryan, but I'm 99.9% sure it is. 

It’s what fellow Mormons didn’t say that Ryan Freeman found most unnerving.

Honestly, I don't feel guilty. At all. What happened, happened. It's the strangest thing, but there wasn't and isn't anything I can do about it. I do feel help and hope. Always.

My family has been extremely supportive! I really couldn't ask for anything better! The first time I saw them I was expecting the "so unfortunate look" that people get after something bad happens. I was blown away by their excited smiles! My nephews and nieces were so excited to see me, I don't think they could have cared less what prejudices and stigmas could exist.

As for friends, they're all married, dating, or on missions! I couldn't be more excited for them! My brothers and their families have been taking good care of me, and I spend time with friends as my health will allow. I've made new friends and I've gone on adventures! 

Sometimes people will say weird things to me, and I just roll my eyes and laugh it off. 

The most important thing to remember is that God is in charge. Be honest with yourself and with him. He will help you through trials.

My sister-in-law talked about the little things He is aware of. This conversation happened midday yesterday. By the end I had seen old friends, received a lovely little note from an english student, got a letter from a sestra, found an email from a starješina (elder), danced with my niece, hung out with my a couple brothers, and I didn't have to use any stairs! These are only a few "little things." Honestly, there were too many things to count. I tried.
Faith, Hope, and Charity are always present. I promise you. And each is available to you no matter who you are.

God will help you with your down moments. If you really need friends, and you ask Him through prayer and faith, He will deliver. 

Peace and Blessings!

Aubrey

Matthew 6

 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? ^aConsider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, ^ashall he not much moreclothe you, O ye of little ^bfaith?

 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father ^aknoweth that ye have need of all these things.

Best Advice EVER: Don't ask why

That's right. I'm starting off by giving you the best advice EVER.

Most people would assume to save the best advice for later. I'm not going to wait. It's too important not to share RIGHT NOW! Also, I felt like this is what I needed to share today.

President and Mission Mom

Before being shipped back to the states, I go to have an interview with my mission president. For some reason I didn't think that was going to happen. Maybe because one the earlier plans (guesses, really) was that I was going to fly home from Beograd/Belgrade. The President was kind of enough to give me some of his precious time and attention my last night in the field.

The most effective and helpful advice I have been given in regards to coming home, and life in general, came from that short meeting.

His advice: Don't ask why.

No matter what happens, don't ask why. I know it's so tempting! We always want to know why. Especially when our lives get turned upside, thrown off track, and drop out of the sky.

Why? Why this? Why me? Why?

Once you start, the 'whys' keep coming and coming. Once you start, you will find it won't stop. So just don't do it. Don't ask 'why'. It will turn into a habit and you will drive yourself mad. You may find out why someday, you might not.

There is one 'why' you are allowed to say. President told me that he has learned to stop asking "Why me" and has replaced it with "Why not me?"

I can still remember him sitting behind his desk. "Why not me? Everyone has different challenges. Trials are a part of life. Why not me? Why not have this challenge or trial?" We have been given revelation through the scriptures and religious leaders that every trail is individually crafted to us. It's like a present! So why not you? It's better than getting a problem made for someone else.

This advice has benefited me the most. I have watched other people become more frustrated over my situation then myself because they ask themselves "why?". I'm not kidding! They become so upset, it's almost comical! I wish ya'll had a mission president like mine.

I have a confession to make. I did ask myself "why" for the first time a few weeks ago. It was terrible. The spirit that came with it was very different. It was hopeless, upset, and just miserable. I will never do that again.

If you need some kind of answer to hold onto or to give you purpose, then pray about it.
Until then, maybe this will help. In the MTC we eat, sleep, breathe, and live the "greatness of the calling." It's the most important thing anyone can do with their lives. If you are called to come back home, then there must be something VERY important in store for you. When there are a million reasons to go on a mission, there must be a million and a half reasons to be called back home.

I came home just in time, meaning the night before, my Grandpa's last temple session as a temple worker. He has been released due to health conditions. This one moment, at the beginning of this adventure home, was enough for me to not dwell on "why" and to "move forward with a perfect brightness of hope."

Pray for acceptance. If you must know the 'why' or be given a reason, you won't find it by dwelling on the past. The answers are all in the future.

I still don't know why I had to come home. I may never find out. But I'm okay with that. "I know in whom I have trusted."

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding."


Don't ask "why". Just say "Why not me."


Thanks President. I owe you one!

With all the love in my heart,
Aubrey

Advice From a Dear Friend

I have debated on whether or not to keep up the emails. My decision has come to this. I'm going to keep up this blog, but I will not be writing the weekly emails until I get back out. It just makes sense to me.
Also, I have found since coming back there are many who have returned early from their mission. And I mean a plethora of multitudes. There seems to be an immediate camaraderie. No further introduction is needed. It doesn't matter where you served or for how long. The struggle is mutual.
I have also found that there is a great need an longing for support. Just as prospective missionaries scour the internet for mission blogs, combing for any tidbits of advice, I want to have this blog to be a source for those who have to deal with coming home early, whatever the reason may be. If we are being completely honest with ourselves, we need all the support we can get.
Nothing can describe it. Just as you can explain to someone what a mission is like who has never had the experience, you can't explain coming home early. The morning processes is much greater. The struggle becomes more a battle which in turn becomes a war.
To be honest with you, it's hard.
It sucks.
It hurts.
It's lonely.
It's disappointing.
It's hard.
Sure life doesn't suck. Life is a God given gift. No matter what happens or what thoughts may enter your head, remember that. God is in charge. He will hold you in his hands like He held Noah's ark. And I bet He smiles at you just as he did with the ark. (Moses... something. Sis H shared it with me in the MTC.)
My first piece of advice is to watch this video. Of missionary friend of mine sent it to me long before going on a mission was even an idea. I owe that friend big time.
Enjoy this video. Watch it over and over again.

Much love!
Aubrey Farnsworth

P.S. Pay it forward.

Nov 5 - Week 23

I have been so overcome with gratitude this week! 

I just want to be grateful towards everything! I am perfectly content to sit and wallow in my gratefulness. You may bask in my gratefulness if you like. It is warm and happy, and no matter what happens, it's all good. 

I've failed another breathing test. There's not much difference from the last two. So now it's on to two more doctors. I'm thinking they should hospital passports or something. In the field, we use to compare the stamps we got from crossing borders. Patients can show which doctors they have seen. Just a thought.

In case you haven't heard by now, I have been released. Only momentarily, until we can figure out what's going on. This way, my time here doesn't count against my mission clock. I can also now listen to music and be without a companion. Hugs are also permitted. 

Remember my thought oh so long ago about the loaves and fishes? I have another one for you. This one comes curtesy of Jacob 5. This long chapter is often used to talk about different kinds of people and what lies in store for them in the future (good fruit vs bad fruit). What I like about this chapter is it inspires hope.

"Now Sis Farnsworth", you might be thinking, "If your a bad fruit you get burned. That's not very hopeful." That is right. But as with all parables, there is a representation of the Atonement. This chapter also talks about the soil. The Master of the Vineyard (ili Gospodar Vinograda) plants in the the "poorest spot" (vs 21) and he tends it until it brings forth good fruit. If we allow the power of the Atonement to work in our lives we will thrive.

One more thought. We may feel that whatever duty we are asked to fulfill is beyond our capability. We're not pure enough, smart enough, hard-working enough, nice enough, or any other number of flaws we may possess. We may view ourselves as the "poorest spot". In vs 22, Gospodar Vinograda says to his servant "Counsel me not; I knew it was a poor spot of the ground." He is fully aware of our short comings. He's not the primary teacher who thinks your scribbled crayon art should be in the Met. He knows our weaknesses better than anyone, including ourselves. "I have nourished it this long time, and thou beholdest that it hath brought forth much fruit." The Lord knows best. Trust in Jesus. He will lead us safely. He invests so much in us. He trusts us, too. 

Good winds and a following sea!

Aubrey

P.S.

I'm taking the password off of my mission blog. I'll continue to keep everyone updated.

P.P.S.

I spent my service time this week with my family at the Nightmare Express in Lindon. I dressed up as an old lady/family historian, Lone Sister (like the Lone Ranger, but a sister... ha... haha... Get it?), and Robin (from Batman). I was still called Sister Robin. Some days I didn't dress up. It was lots of fun! That's what the pictures are from.

"Families can be together AFTER death?"

Sestra-in-Training. Demonstrating the proper way a scarf should be worn.